Friends, I’ve got to be honest. I’m just not feeling it this week. I’m mad and discouraged and caught up in the political sludge surrounding us now. And also, there’s a pandemic. With everything going on, this reading from Philippians feels super challenging. I don’t want to think nice thoughts. Even though it’s sucky, like a mud hole that takes your shoe, there’s something that keeps me slogging through the mire of it all. And as I’m schlepping along, I notice just how unguarded my thoughts and feelings are right now. Rumination certainly doesn’t solve anything, so why am I doing this to myself?

I don’t consider myself to be a particularly negative person, but, especially over these pandemic months, my habit has been to stay with the negative instead of the positive. In a way, there’s something that seems self-protective about it. Worrying feels like something to do to prepare myself for difficulty, even though it almost always turns out to be wasted energy; most of what I worry about doesn’t come true. Anger, too, can be protective and productive if it moves me to change, but usually it becomes an echo chamber where small irritations just get louder and louder. And sadness. It’s important to acknowledge sad emotions, but to take them in, embrace them, and bury my face in them tends to make everything look bleak. Fixating on these negative things only disrupts my peace.

The truth is, there are things in my life that are contentious and disappointing, but there are also plenty of things that are lovely, gracious, excellent, and worthy of praise. All our lives are a mixture of peace and drama, joy and sadness, abundance and loss. Exclusively dwelling on the negative is only part of the picture. This reading invites me to discipline my thoughts. It’s not about what’s actually happening, but how I think about what’s happening. I am more than my thoughts and feelings, but when I give myself over to them, I allow them to take over the whole of me, which can do me more harm than the negative thing itself.

What if, instead of preoccupying myself with that which evokes anxiety, sadness, and anger, I were to spend equal time contemplating all of the good things happening in my life: the unexpected gifts that emerge, the people who mean a lot to me, the safe and lovely house that I live in, and the ways that God enters into my day. Turning my attention this way takes intention and some hard work. I definitely need God’s help. I trust, though, that if I pray out of my gratitude as well as my need, I will open myself to God and God’s transformation. Redirecting my thoughts, turning them from negativity and lack to gratitude and abundance, is a way of restoring the peace of God within me. Focusing my thoughts and feelings on the things that are of God reminds me how present God is in my life.

We can’t change the sludge. Or the pandemic. Our lives are full of pain, discouragement, and even trauma. That’s real. God doesn’t ask us to deny our heartbreaks, and we do have to deal with them. However, God does want to protect us from the further harm that comes from ruminating on negativity. Equally real are the things that are of God, things which are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious, excellent, and worthy of praise. There is abundance and not just lack. There is goodness and not just suffering. What if we spend a little of our prayer reflecting on the good in our lives and the rest of it sharing the difficult things with God? Prayer, petition, thanksgiving. “Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard [our] hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

 By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.