When I was in college, my friends and I met weekly for Bible study. We were young, zealous followers of Jesus, and our sharing held a space for questioning, musing, and growing. As we talked about the characters we met in Scripture, they became friends, part of the group. One of our favorite guys was Peter. We called him the Sporto Disciple because he seemed like kind of a doofus. Peter was impulsive and unfiltered, full of bluster but usually mistaken. He said whatever was on his mind, which was almost always the wrong thing. He denied knowing Jesus and didn’t show up when he died. Sometimes he got it right, but not very often. We loved Peter for his passionate, uncensored ways, bumbling though they may have been. It was probably like looking in a mirror; as young adults blundering our way through to adulthood, we were a lot like him.

When I meet Peter in this Sunday’s First Reading, I can’t help but think of how far our friend has come. He was the guy who rarely did anything right, but look at him now: preaching, teaching, and saying exactly the things people need to hear. He holds them in rapt attention, and they are so moved that they want nothing more than to follow the Christ they’ve met through Peter. Peter has changed a lot since the bumbling doofus we first met in the Gospels, and I appreciate being privy to his growth.

Spiritual growth is a hard thing to detect in myself. In fact, I can’t see it except in hindsight. Looking back, I can see how much I’ve changed as I’ve grown into my faith. I’m not the same person I was when I first met Peter. I’m not young and zealous anymore but more reflective and discerning. I hope I’m still passionate. More often than not, when God, often disguised as life, invited me to grow, it felt hard and I would have preferred to stay the same. My resistance to change probably made me miss some opportunities, but there were other times when, despite pain or discomfort, I leaned into growth and did the hard things. And then, I grew. Now, after coming through the experiences, I’m glad I learned what I did along the way. There’s no way around it – I’ve had to do the work to grow and I have to keep on doing it. You can’t hack the spiritual life.

That’s the message I hear in the Gospel too. We can’t hack our way to holiness by jumping over a fence. We have to put on our grownup pants and enter through the gate. There may be lots of paths to holiness, but none of them is a hack, and they all require growth. There are infinite ways to be a disciple of Christ, and there’s no one easy way to do that either. We all have to do the work to grow into a life of holiness. We have to listen to God’s call, respond, and do the hard things that growing invites rather than take an easy, false way.

I say this with confidence, but the truth is that I would rather find an easier way. I own the fact that some of my guilty pleasures are life hack videos and self-help books. I love life hacks because I’m always looking for a better way to do things, and when I find an easier, more efficient, or cheaper way – ah, bliss! And self-help. Whenever I read someone else’s ideas about how I can do life better – ah, bliss. The reality is, though, that although I do appreciate good stain-fighting tips, life hacks can’t help me grow spiritually. Although the experiences of others can be valuable, I have to do my own work. Like Peter, I have to blunder my way through discipleship and grow bit by bit. I’ll do some pretty dumb things along the way, and every now and then I’ll get something right.

We can’t hack the kingdom of God. We have to be ourselves and allow God to transform us along the way. So, if you’re a sporto disciple, be a sporto. If you’re a timid follower, be timid. You do you. God will love each of us and invite us to be more. In fact, even in this limbo pandemic time, God is inviting us to do hard things, to open, to respond, to grow. Someday we’ll look back and see how far we’ve come.

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, meaningful conversations, and gardening.