Oh my goodness, I want to believe this because suffering of this present age sure is a bucket full, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but I’m good and ready for God’s glory to be revealed.

For me, the sufferings of this present time feel like deep grief. At the beginning of the pandemic what I felt, and heard others describe, was shock and sudden grief, the kind you feel right at the beginning of a loss. And we had a lot of losses all at once – routines, community, work, family, a general sense of security and safety – which were wiped away unexpectedly. And then we had a bunch of time at home to cope with that and make sourdough bread (or whatever it was you did with lots of time on your hands). Maybe you were like me and, although I missed people so much and felt a lot of fear, the novelty of Zoom church and virtual happy hours kind of distracted me.

Here I am four months in, though, and I’m tired of looking through screens. I’m feeling the loss of communities and groups that are important to me that may or may not be restored. I used to know what “we” meant when it described some of my communities, but now I’m uncertain who or what “we” are. I’m really grieving that. Also, I think a lot of people are waking up to the realization that the “we” of larger community (neighborhoods, cities, our country) never fully included everyone. That loss of innocence is a real loss. For those who have lived with marginalization, there’s no surprise that this is how things have been, but there is continued struggle and maybe even trauma. I can’t imagine that the ongoing pandemic weighing upon them makes things better.

No one enjoys grief, but you know, it’s not a bad thing. It just is what it is. This week I was at an online program through the organization Nuns and Nones, and someone in my small group said this: “If your community or group is not having an existential crisis right now, something is wrong.” That one statement was an epiphany to me. I know all kinds of people who are having existential crises, and I am too, as everything we know is breaking apart. I thought something was wrong with me, honestly. When I heard this, though, I realized that now just is the time for an existential crisis. This is a time of suffering on so many levels – physical, emotional, spiritual, mental. I mean, if you can’t have an existential crisis in the middle of a pandemic, when can you have one? And if we’re having one, then let’s just allow it to come as it will. Maybe there’s growth and a call in all of this, and we need to walk through it and experience it. And we are existential crisising together.

This same young adult added, “We are together in this, and our task now is to dive into the darkness together.” This is real wisdom. There were things about the way we were living before that were not sustainable or inclusive or just. Now all of that is being unmade, and while it’s being deconstructed, it looks like darkness. It’s okay to grieve in the darkness, as things both bad and good are stripped away. Even while I’m grieving, though, I can hold a glimmer of hope about what the remaking of things will look like. Recently, when I was with a group of sisters, virtually of course, I shared about the breaking apart of things, and one of my nuns said, “Yes, things are being broken down, but they will be rebuilt in ways that are so wonderful we can’t even imagine.” That sounds like the glory of God to me. The sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us.

So, yes, we’re suffering. The glory of God has not yet been revealed. That doesn’t mean it won’t be, though; it just hasn’t happened yet. I want to hope for that. I want to consider our sufferings as nothing compared to what God will reveal – and recreate and unveil and birth. Now is the time to dip down into my faith and hope and love, and I will have to dive deeply, believe me, because those things are not readily accessible on the surface. However, diving into the darkness with you all is not such a bad thing. The darkness may be scary and uncertain, but we are together and God is there.

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations,.