This Sunday we get to listen in on a spiritual conversation between Jesus and a scribe as they distill God’s commandments down to their essence:

“The first [commandment] is this: ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.’”

So, we’re called to love God and also other people and ourselves. However, so often we emphasize loving God and others but not loving ourselves. Because much of the focus is on outward love, caring for ourselves can feel selfish. And yet, can we really love others fully if we don’t love ourselves?

Lately I’ve had a couple of conversations with other ministers about what it feels like to be in a ministerial role when we ourselves have needs too. As one put it, “I tend to the needs of everyone around me, but who cares for me?” It’s a valid question, and not one exclusively for ministers. I would guess that anyone in a helping profession or a caretaking role with family members or others might also ask this question. Who helps the people who help people? We aren’t magically replenished wells that offer unlimited care and concern for other people; we all need to have care and concern for ourselves too.

Somehow, we each need to figure out how to nourish ourselves as we love our neighbors. When we experience exhaustion, overwhelm, irritability, and doubting our purpose, it’s an invitation to look to our own needs. I’ve learned that when I’m overwhelmed or exhausted, it’s because I’m not meeting my needs, and when I’m not caring for myself, there’s no way I can care for other people. Also, feelings of overwhelm and irritability do not lend themselves to contemplation. When I’m in that space and try to pray, I feel like I can’t settle in. My heart feels anxious, my head is full of spinning thoughts, and my body feels worn out. I can’t love God with my heart, soul, mind, and strength. In fact, I’m not acting out of love for anyone; I’m just trying to make it through the day. That can’t be what God calls us to.

You know as well as I do that self-care has become kind of a trendy buzzword. In a secular context, self-care can look a little contrived, and although I do like herbal tea and hot baths, neither will go deep enough to help me to love myself. However, there are some practices that can. For one thing, seeking support is an act of self-love. We don’t have to self-care by ourselves. Some of the care for caretakers comes from mutual support as ministers and helpers care for each other. Support can also come from spiritual directors, therapists, coaches, mentors, and good friends. Asking for help is a way of loving ourselves.

Another practice that has emerged is that of self-compassion, in which we “give ourselves the same kindness and support we’d give to a good friend.” Self-compassion is developed by Kristin Neff, and it’s a helpful mindset. She offers some practices that really help us to develop compassion for ourselves, and I recommend checking them out.

Also, in this culture that values busyness so much, self-care can simply be slowing down a bit. Busyness is not a Gospel value. It’s not something to which God calls us, and yet, we can allow the pacer of life to just push us on ahead. Self-love calls us to put boundaries around our time so we can truly rest. That’s hard to do – there are so many people with so many needs! And yet, we’re not God, and we can’t do everything. It takes some real discernment to figure out what boundaries to set and with whom and how. It also takes discernment to know what true rest looks like for each of us. Sometimes it might be actual sleep or prayer, but at other times it can look like doing the things that refresh and nourish – getting some exercise, reading a novel, spending time with friends, doing something creative. I personally love to dance, and I’ve come to realize that I need to do that regularly to find peace of mind and joy. If I can’t make it to my dance class, I need to find another opportunity to move to music. I also like quirky memes and reading them till I cry with laughter. Whatever floats my boat, right? And whatever gets me out of my head and out of the grind of busyness.

So, let’s go back to the Gospel. Jesus says, “The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” God is God alone – not activity or accomplishment or busyness or how we look on social media. Even serving other people can be held up as a source of pride (any martyrs in the house?). We can elevate these to a deity level, but doing so will not bring us more love and will not bring us closer to God.

When I love God with all my heart, there’s less room for pride or anxiety or despair. If I’m loving God with all my soul, then I’m present to God in the moment, and there’s less rumination about the past and worry about the future. If I love God with all my mind, I can allow God to help me with the whirl of my thoughts so I can rest in God. If I love God with all my strength, then I won’t work so hard to push through everything myself; I can allow God to carry me a bit.

These commandments are not more items for our To Do Lists. Loving God with my whole self means opening myself to the ways that God loves me. Jesus might name these as commandments, but maybe they’re also invitations to open to God with our whole selves – body, mind, spirit – so we can love each other and ourselves like God does.

For Reflection:

• Have you ever felt burnout or overwhelm or exhaustion? What does it look like for you, and what brings it on?

• How do you regularly care for yourself? How do you especially care for yourself when you’re struggling?

• What does loving God with your whole self look like?

• Maybe you could just spend some time resting in God and seeing what God has to say to you about all this. Or, maybe God simply wants to rest in you.

by Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She enjoys music, dancing, meaningful conversations, and pumpkin spice.