What I notice in this reading about Jeremiah is his clear sense of call and destiny. Jeremiah doesn’t have to search to find his call; God says very clearly what Jeremiah’s purpose is, and all he has to do is to persevere. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.” Not only is Jeremiah‘s call instilled within him before he’s even born, but God‘s call works to protect him so he can fulfill his mission. “‘For I am with you to deliver you,’ says the Lord.”

What must that be like, to have your call be so obvious and right in front of you? You wouldn’t have to discern anything. God speaks so clearly to Jeremiah, and all he has to do is proclaim that word. Maybe his life is not a breeze, but at least from an early age he’s had a clear sense of what he’s meant to do.

I can’t say the same thing for myself. At an early age I had only a vague idea of what I wanted to do. I went to college with an undecided major, finally picked one, and then changed it. I used that teaching degree for a few years but ultimately went in a different direction. Even my vocation has not felt like a sure and certain thing. I’ve had plenty of doubts, and even on my best days the level of my certainty is no higher than pretty sure. I don’t know how it’s gone for you, but after walking with lots of people as they’ve tried to discern their call, I can say that it’s not easy. God’s call tends to come through a little at a time, often surrounded by ambiguity, and I think most of us are only pretty sure before we lean into a decision – or turn away from one.

What does that mean? Are we more obtuse than Jeremiah, who was so dang sure of his call? Is it that God is less clear with us? I’m guessing it’s more like the passage we have was written in hindsight after Jeremiah’s life of prophecy and perseverance, and Jeremiah may have had the same doubts and questions we all have. Hindsight is a very different perspective than the midst of discernment.

I find it touching when I witness people earnestly seeking to know and follow God’s call, whether it’s clear or obscure. And maybe that deeply touches God too. I do think most of us are earnest in our striving to know and do God’s will. All we can do is respond to what’s in front of us in the moment. Maybe pretty sure is good enough.

When we look at Jesus in the Gospel, he also seems pretty confident about God’s call as he proclaims the story of Isaiah’s call and applies it to himself. It’s the people around him, though, who doubt. At first, they’re amazed and speak highly of him. Their tone changes quickly though, after he continues to compare the great prophets who have gone before him to himself. The people become filled with fury and move to attack him. The people he’s grown up with do not recognize his call.

That can ring true of us as well. It’s helpful to have God’s call confirmed by other people, but often it’s not the ones closest to us who confirm it. That’s been my experience. I remember when people first began to affirm my vocation. Random people began to ask me if I ever thought about being a Sister, and honestly, that was terrifying. It was a relatively new call that was percolating in me, and to have other people name this thing that I thought was a secret leaning of my heart made me feel exposed and vulnerable. At the same time, though, it also felt like a relief. I thought I might be crazy for thinking about this, and having other people talk about it helped to normalize it. When I finally did come out as discerning religious life, it was ministers at church, coworkers, some close friends, and even my high school students who affirmed my call. My family and the friends I had grown up with were skeptical. They didn’t dissuade me. They certainly didn’t turn on me like Jesus’s family and community – thank God. But they were slower in accepting this new movement in my life.

Have you ever had this experience? I suspect it’s not just me. In fact, I know it’s not. As I’ve discerned with people, I’ve seen how those closest to them resist their discernment and response. God’s call often causes a shift in us, and it can be hard for people to think they know us to recognize our growth. I think of a college student who was wrestling with changing her major. She was pretty clear, actually, in what she needed to do. It was her dad who challenged her. Dads worry that their kids won’t be provided for, and she wanted to change to a field that would yield a lower salary. However, her call was her call and her life was hers to lead, and when she changed her major, she loved the new direction her life had taken. I also think of a young adult who got engaged to be married and came to see me in a total, flat out panic. It was as clear as day to me that she was not called to marry this person. As I reflected back to her, most people’s response to engagement is excitement for the future, not a series of panic attacks. And she had never seemed happy in that relationship. So, what was the problem? Her parents liked that guy and wanted her to get married. I think they were uncomfortable in her indecision, and so they wanted her to land in a choice. She followed her heart, though, broke up that relationship, and began to live her own life. When I saw her years later, she was happy. She was confident and self-assured. She was close to God, too.

I’m not saying parents and those close to us are bad or unhelpful. It’s just that sometimes people close to us, in their love for us, also have expectations of what will make us happy. God sometimes has different ideas about that, and God tends to be right. It’s such a fine line, isn’t it? God often speaks through other people, but sometimes other people can muddy the waters when it comes to discernment. And we do the best we can to listen to God’s call and to respond with our whole selves.

I’m reminded of the prayer of Thomas Merton, which has been a great source of consolation for discerners everywhere:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen. (Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude, page 79.)

It seems like Thomas Merton was only pretty sure too, and if it’s good enough for him, well, I think it’s good enough for us. And I think pretty sure is good enough for God too.

For Reflection:

• As you’ve tried to seek out God’s will, what has been helpful for you?

• Have you ever had a sense of certainty about your call? When all you can get to is “pretty sure,” what do you do with that?

• Have you ever had the experience of other people weighing in your decisions or the direction you’d like to take with your life? What’s that like? How do you sift out other people’s thoughts, opinions and expectations of you as you seek God’s will for yourself?

• Is God calling you to anything now? How is God present with you in this moment? Maybe take a little time to talk with God.

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.

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