"The person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest in great ones” (Lk 16:10). Well isn’t that the truth? If you can’t trust someone with a small thing, then how can they be trusted with a larger one? This biblical wisdom has been my experience, and as it turns out, it’s actually backed by research as well. Brené Brown talks about the Anatomy of Trust, and I highly recommend this video. She has a lot of helpful insights about trust, and one of the things that has stayed with me is that idea that we build trust with people in the small things we do. Every secret we keep, every time we show up when we say we will, whenever we act with integrity, we demonstrate that we are trustworthy. And of course, the converse is true too. Each time I say I will keep something confidential but instead whisper it to someone else, I break a trust. Whenever I say I’ll do something but don’t show up or flake on a responsibility, I break a trust. Maybe it seems like those little things don’t matter, but as it turns out, each of those small moments add up to create big trust or distrust.

Trust is a sticky thing for me. I was born at the tail end of Generation X, and I’ve been told that my generation, this wild band of latchkey kids with no helmets to wear and minimal adult supervision, is scrappy, sarcastic, cynical, and distrustful. I’m not sure if these things are true, but there’s probably some generational influence at work in me. When I really self-reflect, though, what I notice is that I’ve actually trusted pretty easily but have sometimes had that trust broken. It has often been in those little moments, when a friend breaks a confidence or consistently flakes on our plans or repeatedly oversteps boundaries. I’ve also experienced full-on betrayal, but mercifully, that’s been rare. So, I guess I’ve had experiences that have challenged my trust, and maybe that’s normal. Blind, unearned trust in people isn’t necessarily a healthy thing. I don’t want to trust people who show me through their actions that they’re not trustworthy, but I do want to be able to trust the people I’m close to, to trust God, and to have a basic trust in the goodness of life.  

It seems like a basic trust in life might be hard to come by at this stage of the game, not just for me but for other people too. We’ve lived through a pandemic, and although we’re hopefully at the tail end of it, or learning to live with it, it has shaken a sense of safety for lots of us. Maybe that feeling of safety was naïve, but I think a lot of us felt it and don’t anymore. And we’re dealing with a host of other issues, like workplace dissatisfaction and even injustice, as well as financial struggles, a climate crisis, and ongoing contentious politics. With constant upheaval, it’s hard to feel safe, and when we’ve felt unsafe over a period of years, how do we get our bearings and feel safe again? Also, some of us who are feeling unsafe tend to live with a lot of privilege. What about people who are part of marginalized groups? What about African-American people who fear violence from law enforcement or kids who identify as LGBTQ who are bullied in school or students on campuses across our country who are survivors of sexual assault? What does it do to your sense of trust to live in persistent danger, to never feel safe because you might not be safe? I don’t know, but I feel like there’s a call here to work to create a safer world.

If trusting is so hard, why should we do it? Why not just batten down the hatches and live in self-protection? Well, being able to trust is essential for any kind of intimacy. We have to be able to trust if we are to love and be loved. People trust imperfectly, and we also act in ways that break the trust of our loved ones. However, we can also grow in our ability to trust and to earn trust. Now, there are some people who have such brokenness that they can’t ever be trusted, but I think most of us have the capacity to grow in this. Trust is not a static thing. Even though it’s hard, broken trust can be healed. It takes good discernment to know if someone who has broken our trust is capable of earning it back. If they are and we do want to trust them again, it may take a little forgiveness on our part and work on their part. And, when we misplace our trust and get hurt, we can grow from that too. It doesn’t mean we can’t trust anyone. It may be an invitation to work on our boundaries. It may be a call to be more careful about the people with whom we choose to share our vulnerabilities.

And what about trust in God? Some years ago I was walking with someone in ministry who was struggling with trust. I asked her if she could really trust God since she couldn’t trust any people. Ever since then, I’ve been reflecting on that question for myself. There are times when my trust in someone has been broken, but I know can turn to God whom I trust to love and care for me. On the other hand, I also know that my relationship with God is affected by my relationships with people. The closer I feel to the people in my life, the closer I feel to God. The more I trust trustworthy people, the more I experience the trustworthiness of God.

I also see this dynamic at work in my congregation, my congregation whose spirituality centers on trusting God’s providence. The less we trust each other, the more we get stuck in our fear, and then it seems like we can’t move forward in our mission. However, our trust in each other can move us toward God. The more we trust each other, the more we’re able to take risks together, and when we can risk for the sake of the Gospel, our trust in Providence deepens. Risking makes us vulnerable, but that vulnerability gives God a chance to show up for us, to be visible. In order to allow God to catch us, we have to be willing to step out on a limb and even take a leap, and when we experience God’s care for us in those feet-off-the-ground moments, we know that God is trustworthy. It’s a cycle of experiencing God’s love, trusting that God’s care will continue, risking, and experiencing God’s love again. Each time we go a little deeper in love and trust.

This dynamic is at work whether it’s about trust in God or trust in people. Trust is a risk we take. It can lead to heartbreak, sure, but it also brings about deeper intimacy and connection. When we risk a little vulnerability, we see that someone is trustworthy, and so we can risk again. Eventually, each little moment can add up to a deeper relationship and an abiding trust.

For reflection:

• What have your experiences of trusting been like? Positive? Hurtful?

• What have you learned about trust in your relationships with people?

• What have you learned about trust in your relationship with God?

• Do you want to trust more deeply?

• Maybe we could take a little time and talk to God about trust and pray for what we need.

• Maybe we could take a little time to hold in our prayer all those who are in need of peace and safety. How is God calling you to make this world a little safer for people and creation?

You can listen to this reflection on the Providence Podcast here!

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.