I’ve had some opportunities lately to have intentional conversations about the future, specifically the future of religious life, with several groups of sisters. These conversations have been energizing and thought-provoking. At one point, though, as things were humming along in the program, a younger sister from another community said, “I’m really done talking about the future. Let’s talk about now. Who are we now?” The humming along came to a full stop. That’s so true. We dream, plan, and set goals for the future, and that’s fine, but we don’t really know how it will transpire. We can predict and respond to how we think things might be, but the future is a mystery.

This Sunday’s Second Reading put me in mind of that conversation. “What we shall be has not yet been revealed. We do know that when it is revealed we shall be like [Christ].” We don’t know what the future will be, and we don’t know who we will be in the future. And that’s not just true for us in religious life; it’s true for all people. Just cast your mind back to the 2019 New Year’s Eve. Maybe you set some intentions or resolutions. Maybe, like me, you had some hopes for the new year – 2020 in all its shining possibility. None of us could have predicted all that 2020 would actually hold. And thank God for that! If I had known ahead of time, I would have entered it with fear and dread, and I may not have lived into it and received the gifts that it offered. It’s good to feel hopeful, to set intentions for a new year, but I have to know that when I do, I also have little control over circumstances. All I can do is live with intention. I can control my responses to things, and that’s about it. If I respond wholeheartedly to life’s events, both good and challenging, I’ll continue to grow into the person God created me to me, never really getting there but growing closer to God in the process. What I shall be has not yet been revealed. I do know that when it is revealed I shall be like Christ.

So, I don’t know what the future holds, but for now I want to be the kind of disciple that Jesus describes in the Gospel. I want to be someone who can recognize the voice of Christ speaking in my life because I know Christ and Christ knows me. I want to be the kind of person who loves well and is loved in return. That last part is less within my control than the first, and the first part means I have some inner work to do. That work often gets done in a one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of way, but it’s still growth. All these things are not so much about the future, although doing my work and striving in my discipleship do lend themselves toward the future. Each choice I make in the present will likely have implications for the future, but all I can do is live this day.

As I look back over these thoughts, I realize that this reflection is kind of a pep talk to myself. I know it’s true that I can’t control the future – events or other people’s reactions and perceptions of me – and yet, I try to control all of those things. Why do I do that? It’s a waste of time and energy, but I still do. I guess that’s why I find this passage from the First Letter of John so reassuring. “Beloved, we are God’s children now.” We are God’s children. That’s who we are; we don’t have to do anything to make that a reality. And we are God’s children now – not “we used to be but now we’re not,” not “we will be but aren’t yet.” What we will be has not yet been revealed, but we will be like Christ. So, it matters but doesn’t matter what events will transpire in the future. Whatever happens, and whomever we are when it happens, we will be like Christ.  

I don’t often live with this realization. I tend to get consumed with distractions in the present and worried about the future. Any rare moments of presence and contentment are a gift; I can’t bring them about but just receive them when they come. I still remember one of those moments, years ago. I was about twenty-four and in a full-on discernment about my future. Should I enter religious life or not? As I wrestled over this decision, there was a lot of fear but also a lot of excitement. There was worry but mostly joy. And it was intense. I rarely do anything placidly, and that was certainly true of my vocational discernment. However, there was one night when I was sitting on the porch of my little apartment, cycling through all the questions of discernment, when there was a pause and everything got quiet. A gentle feeling of love and peace came over me, and I just received it. In that moment, I knew that it didn’t matter what I chose, if I entered community or did something else. In anything I did, God would be with me, and God would love me, and that’s enough.

And then I went back to worrying about the future. Of course I did. That’s what I do. However, that moment of peace shifted things. It took the pressure off. In fact, that peaceful, loving encounter with God is still with me. It calls me back to receive God’s love now, years after that quiet moment on my porch. And so, even if I can’t do it all the time, I bring myself to this present moment that I’m living – a chilly morning in Cincinnati in April when I’m not worrying about the future of religious life or our community or God Space or myself. I’m just here. And God is here. Who I am has not yet been revealed, but whoever I am, I will be like Christ. I am God’s child now. And so are you.

• What does this stir in you?

• What do you worry about? What helps you to be present to God, to be open, to trust?

• Who are you now? How is God with you now?

• What do you need from God in this moment?

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, meaningful conversations, and this present moment.