Love Is More than Civility
/“The LORD said to Moses,
’Speak to the whole Israelite community and tell them:
Be holy, for I, the LORD, your God, am holy.
’You shall not bear hatred for your brother or sister in your heart.
Though you may have to reprove your fellow citizen,
do not incur sin because of him.
Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against any of your people.
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
I am the LORD.’”
Initially, I thought I’d use this reading from Leviticus to write about civility. I was going to say that it’s timely, given our contentious political climate, and that we should learn to “reprove [our] fellow citizen” kindly. However, I went to an Intercommunity Justice and Peace event called Lifting Up the Voices of Black Women, and that challenged me to reconsider civility as a goal. At that program, in the context of meaningful conversation, I encountered this from Christina Brown:
Individuals and organizations of varying political persuasions lately have called on candidates and elected officials, as well as the public at large, to express their political differences in a way that restores civility to the public discourse. . . . But focusing on civility . . . is an expression of privilege, whether it be economic status, gender, race, ability, or so on. In short, the most civil defense of oppressive beliefs will not save us as a nation.
This quote brought home to me that it is a privilege to be able to speak out or remain silent. I have a choice, but some people don’t. Civility can shut down or shut out some people’s voices. If my desire for civility means silencing someone who has something important to say, or allowing oppressive beliefs to persist, then it’s not the answer. I’m not saying we should scream at each other, but it seems we are called to more than mere politeness. In fact, this passage from Leviticus doesn’t mention civility at all. Rather, God calls us to holiness and love of neighbor. The Gospel takes it even further to include love of enemies. Love and holiness move us beyond civility to something deeper.
The love that God calls us to is a holy, gritty kind of love that encompasses neighbors and enemies, as well as ourselves. To me, that call means acknowledging my own privilege, making room for people with less privilege, and really listening to what they have to say. That can feel uncomfortable, but holy love is not always comfortable. Sometimes I misspeak and get corrected by someone who knows more than I do or whose life experience is different than mine. That’s uncomfortable too, but correction can be a loving thing even if it doesn’t feel good in the moment. I grow from that experience and, hopefully, become less fragile. It’s not the responsibility of marginalized people to educate people with privilege, but for those who feel called to do so, it feels like a loving, albeit hard, thing to do.
It seems to me that this kind of holy love invites brave self-reflection and courageous action. Self-reflection helps me to check in with my own thoughts and feelings and to notice the ones that aren’t so loving. Action moves me toward Gospel living and becoming more Christ-like. In our reading from Matthew, Jesus shows us what love of enemies can look like. At first glance, it seems very passive. Jesus even says, “Offer no resistance.” However, when I take a closer look, Jesus’ directives to turn the other cheek, walk an extra mile, and give up a cloak are actually forms of resistance. They don’t necessarily take away personal power, but they do challenge oppression in nonviolent ways. Nonviolent resistance is a loving thing to do for self, neighbor, and enemy.
Holy love calls me to move outside of my comfortable bubble so that what I speak and hear is not an echo chamber of what I already believe but a space of genuine listening, dialogue, and growth. “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” is a terribly difficult call to follow. However, the more we pray for our enemies, the more we open ourselves to their humanity. The more we open to them, the more they become our neighbors. The more we love our neighbors, not just politely accepting everything people say but also challenging each other, the more we love and respect ourselves too. So, let’s love people and seek to be holy, as God is holy.
By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP
Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, meaningful conversations, and justice and peace.