Christian Self-Care

This Sunday we get to be kind of a fly on the wall as Jesus and a scribe discuss the essence of God‘s commandments, which are the heart of Jesus’s message too:

“The first [commandment] is this: ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.’”

Basically, what it comes down to is that we love God with our whole selves, and we love our neighbors as ourselves. It’s so simple, but what does it really look like?

As I sit with it today – thinking of the love of God, others and self in a kind of balance – I realize that I can’t really have one without the others. So often we emphasize loving God, of course, and charity and service toward others. Although I have heard preachers and commentators say that self-love is key here too, I haven’t really heard much about what self-love looks like in a Christian context. Love of self doesn’t mean selfishness or ambition or narcissism, because those aren’t loving attitudes but ones based on greed and fear. I wonder if self love looks more like the love we extend to others, more like compassion.

This week I went to a webinar on resilience and burnout offered by Spiritual Directors International and presented by Allie Kochert. It was technically a program for spiritual directors on how to help our directees when they feel burnout, but as the presenter talked about what burnout looks like, it resonated with me too. She named exhaustion, overwhelm, irritability, and doubting our purpose and call. I feel like that sometimes too. I certainly felt it last year and, really, on and off throughout my years of ministry. I’ve learned that when I’m in that space, it’s because I’m not practicing good self-care, and when I don’t practice self-care, then there’s no way I can really care for other people. Also, feelings of overwhelm and irritability do not lend themselves to contemplation. When I experience burnout, I feel like I can’t rest, not only because I’m probably keeping too busy, but because my heart feels anxious, my head is full of spinning thoughts, and my body is worn out. I can’t love God with my heart, soul, mind, and strength. I’m not acting out of love for anyone; I’m just trying to duck and cover and make it through the day.

You know as well as I do that self care has become kind of a trendy buzzword. In a secular context, self-care can look a little contrived, and now that I think about it, I wonder how we let ourselves get to the point that we have to talk about caring for ourselves. Why aren’t we just doing that already? And although I do like herbal tea but don’t like hot baths, neither will go deep enough to cure burnout or offer real love to ourselves.

What does genuine self-love look like? Well, it might vary from person to person, but in this culture that values busyness, I think self-care looks like boundaries around our time and true rest. Last year when everything was locked down, circumstances mandated a shift in schedule for many of us. And yet, there were times when I still kept too busy. As I talked with other people and saw posts on social media, it seems like other people did that too. That’s not a critique, but it shows me that there’s something in a lot of us that needs to be busy (or, at least, appear to be busy on social media. And now that things are more open, I’ve packed in the activity, as if to make up for stillness (that I may or may not have had) last year. Why am I doing that? It’s no way to love myself or God or other people.

So, I go back to the Gospel. Jesus says, “The Lord our God is Lord alone! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.” God is God alone – not activity nor accomplishment nor busyness nor how we all appear on social media. We can elevate those to a deity level, but doing so will not bring us more love.

When I love God with all my heart, there’s less room for anxiety and despair, or, if those feelings arise, then God can help me. If I’m loving God with all my soul, then I’m present to God in the moment, and there’s less rumination about the past and worry about the future. If I love God with all my mind, I can allow God to help me with the whirl of my thoughts so I can rest in God. If I love God with all my strength, then I won’t work so hard to push on through with everything myself; I can allow God to carry me a bit.

These commandments, though, are not just more items for our To Do Lists. I tend to think that I can do things on my own, but I’m usually wrong about that. Really, it’s God. It’s all God. Loving God with my whole self means opening myself to the ways that God loves me. Jesus might name these as commandments, but maybe they’re also invitations to open to God with our whole selves – body, mind, spirit – so we can love each other and ourselves like God does.

For Reflection:

Have you ever felt burnout? What does it look like for you, and what brings it on?

How do you care for yourself when you’re struggling with burnout or difficulty?

What does loving God with your whole self look like?

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by Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, meaningful conversations, and pumpkin spice.