Belonging Wherever We Are
/This week I’ve been reflecting on the Gospel reading from Luke and hanging out with these ten people with leprosy – especially with the one who comes back to thank Jesus. What I notice is that this story is less about thanksgiving and more about the human experiences of exclusion and belonging. I’m sure people found ways to reject each other before there were skin conditions they called leprosy, but the way lepers are treated is marginalization of biblical proportions. It occurs all through Scripture. Once people were declared unclean because of leprosy, they also became outcasts in their communities. The Book of Leviticus declares, “The one who bears the sore of leprosy shall keep his garments rent and his head bare, and shall . . . cry out, ‘Unclean, unclean!’ . . . He shall dwell apart, making his abode outside the camp” (13:45). In the Gospel, when Jesus heals the person with leprosy, he doesn’t just cure him of the disease; Jesus restores his place in community. No wonder he can’t keep quiet. When you go from being an outcast to belonging again, how can you not shout from the rooftops? Praise God!
Often times with passages like this, I take on the perspective of the one who, like Jesus, seeks to restore people’s dignity and promote God’s kingdom of inclusion. It feels a lot better to side with the ones who belong than the ones who don’t, right? However, this time, my heart is with the person with leprosy, and I’m thinking of my own challenges to fit in. I was born with plenty of privilege, and I tend to get along with people, but there’s also something in me that has struggled to feel like I belong. I’ve been the youngest in my community for a long time, and I’m very aware of how different I am from most of the other sisters. I didn’t go to school with them or have a formation class to belong to. We don’t share taste in music or TV shows. I know I belong by virtue of my vows, but do I really belong — relationally and personally — or am I a misfit?
I thought I was the only one who felt like this, but then, at a community assembly years ago, the issue of belonging came up. Some sisters expressed their struggles to feel accepted, and some others posed the question, in an asking-for-a-friend kind of way, “How can we be more inclusive?” I was touched by this vulnerable conversation. It came as a surprise to learn that it’s not just me; other people struggle too, and so maybe belonging to each other is about more than having things in common. I suspect that feeling a sense of belonging is also a challenge for people in the wider world outside of religious community. As it turns out, there might be a little leper in a lot of us.
Why do some of us assume that everyone else feels like they belong and we don’t? What is it about the human condition that longs for belonging but also runs away from it, or has it but doesn’t recognize it?
Now, to be sure, there are instances of genuine exclusion. The rejection of lepers was a reality, not just a feeling. In our day, racism, transphobia, heterosexism, xenophobia, and ableism, among other systems of oppression, exclude people. People living with mental illness and those who experience poverty often find themselves outside the circle of the wider community. Also, in our offices, families, and communities there are people who, out of their own brokenness, ostracize others. There are Mean Girls in schools and bullies in workplaces. We can and should work against systems that exclude people, and we can and should stand up for people who are marginalized. And for our own sakes, if we ourselves identify with a marginalized group, it’s helpful to connect with others who share the same identities that we have. However, will doing any of this heal the thing inside so many of us that makes us feel like we don’t belong?
This reminds me of a quote from an episode of Brené Brown’s Unlocking Us podcast that resonated so strongly that I wrote it down, and I come back to it often. She says, “We have got to stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that we don’t belong. We will always find it because we’ve made it our mission.” Quoting from her book Braving the Wilderness, she defines true belonging as “the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”
So, belonging is not about fitting in; it’s about being the person God created me to be. No one else can call the shots on that kind of belonging; it’s up to me. It’s hard work, though, really hard work. It’s easy to write this now, but when I don’t get invited to a thing or I’m overlooked or left out – oo, that feeling of not belonging, of not being good enough, creeps in. The leper in me is standing outside the circle, and I need God to remind me of my true belonging.
My community prays a prayer called “The Act of Abandonment to Divine Providence,” and there’s a line in it that asks God, “Bring me into the fullness of being that you have destined for me from all eternity.” The more that I, and we, live and grow into the fullness of being to which God calls us, the more we belong to ourselves and the more we can trust that we belong to God. When we belong like that, we’ll find belonging wherever we go. Also, if all people were to experience belonging like that, they likely wouldn’t feel the need to exclude people either. Being confident in who God calls us to be means that we’re secure enough to make space for others too. That kind of belonging, rather than creating an inner and an outer circle, just makes one big circle for everyone.
So, back to our friend recently cured of leprosy. After he proves that he’s healed and resumes his place in the community, reconnecting with friends and loved ones, what then? It seems to me that he has work to do. He has to stop thinking of himself as a leper and believe in his own belonging. He has to live into the fullness of being to which God calls him, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spirituality as well. Our call is to do the same.
For reflection:
Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? What brought about that feeling, and how did you deal with it?
When you have that feeling, where is God?
Do you feel like you are living fully as God has created you to be? If not, how can you be more open to allowing God to bring you into the fullness of being for which God has created you?
And who are the people around you that seem excluded? Is there a call or an invitation to align with them, to make a space for them, to include them in a circle of belonging?
As you reflect on belonging, what is stirring in you? Maybe just take a few moments to talk with God about your thoughts and feelings.
By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP
Leslie is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.