A Place to Belong
/“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In [God’s] house there are many dwelling places. . . . And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be.”
Lately I’ve been thinking about belonging and spaces where people do and do not feel a sense of connection. I recently watched a video about third places, and I’ve been thinking about that ever since. Third places are where people gather beyond their homes and workplaces. Our homes are the first place, work is the second, and third spaces are churches or breweries or coffee shops or fitness clubs, places where people gather for community and wider connection. This is not a new concept, but conversations about third places have re-emerged in the last few years, probably because we lost them during the pandemic. Not only that, but I feel like our first and second places got kind of scrambled as so many of us worked from home. Some of us still work from home and some have not returned to our previous third places. Maybe these places don’t exist anymore, or people don’t feel ready to connect in groups, or we’ve changed, and the third places that used to fit don’t anymore.
I still feel challenged by the shift in first, second, and third places. I work for my community, so my workplace is also our convent. I don’t live there, so it’s not my first place exactly, but it’s still our communal hub, so it’s not purely a second place either. Also, I host a communal ministry, and of course I want that to be a third place for people — for everyone! — and in lots of ways, it is that for me too, but it’s also my ministry and it’s in my house, so that feels like a little of all three places together in my living room. And I don’t even know how to define what kind of place the online group is, but it’s a true and real community in a virtual space.
I sense that lots of us struggle to feel a sense of belonging and to find a third place that fits. Even though we might feel safe enough to return to places with people, we may not have found a space that feels comfortable, or we might have a touch of social anxiety now, or we simply feel comfortable at home. I’ve noticed that lots of people don’t find church to be a third place anymore, and no judgement about that, but I do wonder if that community has been replaced or if there’s just a hole where a third place used to be. There have been a lot of changes in my archdiocese, and that has disrupted people’s tried, true, and trusted third places. I feel that sense of displacement and disconnection too, and it feels like a loss. How do we reconfigure and reclaim our communal spaces? People need each other — at the intimate, friendship, familial, and acquaintance levels too. In our post pandemic world, how do we get our intimacy needs met?
In our Gospel reading for this Sunday, Jesus tells us that in God’s house, there are many dwelling places. He assures his followers, including us, that he’s preparing a place for us in this mansion of many rooms. In Christ, we each have a place of belonging. It’s not just a random, unoccupied corner, but a place made intentionally for you, and for me, and for us all. We’re welcome there. I don’t know if it’s a first, second, or third place — maybe all of that and more. And maybe Christ is referring to the afterlife, but he’s also talking about now, in this life, at this time. Within Christ and the beloved community he’s established, we’re all at home, and we each belong.
I find this very comforting. I’ve sometimes struggled to feel a sense of belonging, and as I think about times when I felt like I didn’t fit, those feelings didn’t necessarily come from outside of me. I mean, sure, I’ve had experiences of actual exclusion, but sometimes what caused my sense of not belonging was something within me, some insecurity or lack of self-love. Brené Brown* says that if we don’t do our inner work, if we don’t find a way to belong to ourselves, we’ll see everything as a confirmation that we don’t belong. I think there’s something to that. As the youngest sister in my community, it’s easy for me to feel different from everyone else and to think I’m the only one who feels that way. Some years ago, though, we had a conversation about that at an assembly, and other sisters shared how they sometimes struggle to feel like they belong too. I don’t think it’s an issue with the community – we really do love and support each other. However, there’s something in some of us that struggles to feel included.
It was kind of a revelation to me to know that others struggled with belonging. It was also an invitation to work on belonging to myself, loving and accepting myself. That’s very hard, at least for me. I don’t know if I can ever come to self-acceptance on my own. I need God to help me with that. I need God to remind me over and over again that I belong to God, which God does. And because I belong to God, always and forever, I can learn to belong to myself. Once I trust my place in God, and God’s place in me, well, my belonging doesn’t depend on other people, whether they accept me or not. I belong wherever I go.
In God’s house there are many dwelling places, and each one of us has a place. And those are not individual places that keep us apart. In God’s Kingdom, God’s kindom, we are all drawn together into the beloved community. I think there is an invitation here too. We don’t just arrive in this spiritual community space. We have to work for this sense of belonging, not only doing our own personal work to feel connected, but also offering a space of belonging for other people. In our world, in our country, in our local neighborhoods, there’s a lot of disenfranchisement going on. It’s not just happening at a feeling level, not just people’s insecurity, but a real dynamic of privilege and lack of privilege that keeps people in or out of a circle of belonging. Racism, sexism, cissexism, anti-immigrant bigotry, and all the “isms,” exclude people. In the Kindom of God, we need to work that out. Belonging looks like a circle, not a hierarchical line. We must work for deeper inclusion for everyone.
This Gospel reading offers us a strong call. We’re called to trust that we belong to God, that, worthy or not, God loves us and always makes a place for us. When we trust our own belonging, we can be less insecure and more magnanimous. We can see that God holds a special place for the vulnerable, that God is close to the brokenhearted, that God has a special love for poor and tender people. And God calls us to love poor and tender people too. We not only trust that we have a place in God, but we work to make a place for others, especially when the world keeps trying to take away their place. When the world disenfranchises, we welcome. When the world offers only a few places at the table, we scoot over and pull up more chairs. When the world says there’s not enough to go around, we know there’s plenty, and so we offer a place of belonging for each of our neighbors.
In God, there are many dwelling places. We dwell there together, and together we belong. Thanks be to God.
For reflection
How about you? Have you ever struggled to feel a sense of belonging? What was that like and how did you work through it? How do you feel now?
What are the places in your life that help you feel connected to other people? And how is God present with you in those spaces?
In what ways is God calling you to help to prepare spaces of belonging for other people? What’s God‘s invitation for you and how are you respond? Maybe just take a little time with God and see what God has to say, and notice what wells up in your heart.
To listen to Brené Brown reflect on belonging, you can listen here: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-strong-backs-soft-fronts-and-wild-hearts/. You can read more in her book Braving the Wilderness.
You can find all of the Scripture readings from the lectionary here: https://bible.usccb.org/readings/calendar
You can read the reflection and sign up to receive our weekly newsletter at GodSpaceCommunity.com.
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At God Space, you can come as you are. You belong here. God Space is an outreach ministry of the Sisters of Divine Providence of Kentucky, an international community of Catholic sisters with a mission to be witnesses of God's Providence. We place our trust in God as we care for God's people. Connect with the sisters at CDPKentucky.org.
Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.