Who Am I to You?

In this Sunday’s Gospel from Matthew, Peter and the disciples finally get it right. When Jesus asks them who they say he is, Peter answers, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” Jesus affirms him with a blessing. This is one of the few times that Peter and the disciples say or do well by Jesus, one of the few times that Jesus can react with praise rather than a face palm. Good on them.

Jesus orders them not to tell anyone who he is. He’s not ready to “come out” publicly as the Messiah yet. He probably has plenty of reasons for his timing on that, but the question in me is why he wants to be sure his disciples know him. I think it’s more than just a quiz to see if they can be right.

What I see happening here is a tender, human encounter between Jesus and his disciples. We all want to be known by the people we love. Jesus first asks who others say he is, which is a pretty low-risk question. It matters less what others think than what his friends think of him. And then he asks that delicate question: “But who you say that I am?” He opens himself up to whatever they might say. How hurtful would it have been if they had gotten it wrong? After all the time spent together, it would have shown that they didn’t really know him at all. However, they prove that they do understand him. When Peter calls him the Christ, Jesus knows that Peter sees him and appreciates him for who he is. He may not understand what’s going on all the time as he grows into discipleship, but Peter does know Jesus. Jesus puts himself out there and is received with care, which confirms the closeness of their relationship and maybe even deepens it in this moment of vulnerability and intimacy.

Have you had tender moments like this, ones in which you put yourself out there, revealing your genuine self to someone else? I hope so, and I hope the response was an affirmation of who you are. I, too, have had those beautiful, scary moments of opening up to someone I care about and being received with love and acceptance. Thank God! Whew! Making myself vulnerable is hard. It opens me up to the possibility of rejection. It’s a real risk, and a risk I have to take if I want to be close to someone. Also, becoming vulnerable calls for good discernment. It’s not healthy to share the deepest parts of myself with just anyone. I have to feel safe first, and I have to know, or be able to trust, that I’ll be received with compassion and without judgement. To be seen and known by those we care about is a human need. How can we truly be loved if we’re not also known? Intimacy only happens when we make ourselves vulnerable and when we receive another person in their vulnerability too. This can be really scary, but when we can share at this intimate, heart-to-heart level, it’s a beautiful, holy, human thing.

As spiritual people, the other part of this, of course, is intimacy with God. How open, honest, and genuine are we with God? Quite honestly, I sometimes try and keep God at arm’s length. It’s easy to tell myself that God knows everything, so God knows me already. That way I don’t have to open up, and I don’t even have to name my own stuff to myself. It may seem easier to work that way, but it’s not helpful. It’s the sharing with someone that cultivates intimacy, not the information itself. Tender sharing isn’t about the facts; it’s about thoughts and feelings and all the squishy inside stuff that I don’t really like to put out there. Avoiding the sensitive heart stuff doesn’t manage it, though, nor does it make it go away. I need to be in touch with my feelings and to share them with God. That’s how I grow. That’s how I know who I am. And that’s how I grow closer to God.

What about you? If you ask the people closest to you, “Who do you say that I am,” would they get it right? What would they say? How vulnerable do you allow yourself to be with the people you care about?

Have you ever had the graced experience of receiving other person in their vulnerability? How did you react? What was it like to be trusted like that?

How vulnerable do you allow yourself to be with God? If you ask God, “Who do you say that I am,” what would God say?

 By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.