It’s Not Good for Us to Be Alone
/In our God Space small groups, when we share about a Scripture reading, we reflect not on what text means but on what the text means to each of us, in our lives, right now. I tend to enter into Scripture the same way when I pray by myself, so when I pray with this reading from Genesis, it has something to say to me about God’s love for humanity and how that love is expressed in our human relationships. I notice the equality among the genders – created side from side to live side by side – and our desire for relationship with each other. It affirms how marriage, when two people leave their families of origin and become a family of their own making, is sacred. Community is sacred as well. Humans are not meant to be alone. We’re made to be close to God, and we’re created to be close to nature, but we also need each other.
Ironically, a reading about sacred connection made me think of a time of disconnection – the early days of the pandemic. I happened to be living by myself, and I spent a lot of time planting things and working in the garden. Watching green things emerge was a lifegiving thing to hold onto during that terrible time. However, like Adam in the first garden, it was not enough. I remember a conversation about this with a God Space community member who also lived alone. Being in nature was helpful to her too, and she told me how sometimes, when she was out hiking, she would stop and hug a tree, just to put her arms around a living thing. In those days we all did what we had to do to cope, right? What was the most meaningful for me, though, were the human interactions – like when the two of us met and hiked together. Gathering, even on Zoom, was also helpful, although nothing was the same as real, genuine, in-person encounters.
So, I learned that although creation reveals God’s presence, it’s not a suitable partner. Hugging a tree is nice, but it can’t return an embrace like a person can. We need other people. Maybe that’s partly why God chose to enter into the human experience as an actual human being. The author of the letter to the Hebrews says that Christ “for a little while" was made "lower than the angels.” God willingly entered into human reality, with all its difficulty and suffering, to be close to us. Why would God do that? It would be a lot easier to remain distant and just let creation play out as it does, and yet God desires to be close to us. And I would say that it wasn’t just for a little while but for all time. Christ is still with and within each of us.
Even so, human connections are a struggle. It’s odd, in a way. During the isolation time, when I dared to imagine life on the other side, I pictured people flooding into the streets, embracing each other, rushing to do all the things we missed. But that’s not what happened. Some rushed out and resumed life, but many of us were cautious about entering back in. The flow of life was disrupted, and it didn’t necessarily re-emerge as it had been. Even though we don’t have to isolate ourselves anymore, people do, and loneliness has become its own pandemic. Because of my ministry context, I hear a lot about the mental health struggles of college students and other young adults, but I think older adults and children are struggling too. Our Gospel reading about marriage and divorce confirms that marital issues aren’t unique to our time, but I suspect they’re just as heartbreaking now as they ever have been. Difficult spousal and family dynamics aren’t unique to the pandemic either, but that certainly didn’t help. At least, I don’t think it helped most of us, and there continues to be a lasting negative impact on individuals, families, and communities. It’s not good for us to be alone, and yet so many of us feel alone.
For myself, I notice a distinction between solitude and loneliness. I do love connecting with people, but I also need downtime alone to regroup. When I have a lot of social time at once, I need to go into full-on hermit mode to recover. However, if I do that for too long, then I begin to feel isolated and disconnected. Also, there’s that other very real experience of feeling alone in a crowd, of being surrounded by people but not feeling a relational connection with anyone. I’ve been there too.
I think many of us struggle with disconnection like this, whether we talk about it or not, and maybe it’s helpful to do just that – name it and talk about it. If lots of people are having the same experience, well, it’s not strange or even unique. It’s not a character flaw or a sign that we’re doing life wrong. Maybe recognizing loneliness as a normal human experience also normalizes reaching out to each other, knowing that it’s not just me or you, but us. And in those moments where I do feel more connected, or if you don’t tend to feel lonely, maybe we can recall times when we have felt this way and allow them to motivate us to reach out to someone who needs it. Haven’t we all been that kid in the cafeteria looking for a place to sit?
When I look again at our Readings for this Sunday, I notice a call to care for each other. Some of us are worse off than others, depending on our circumstances, but each of us is a vulnerable, awkward human in need of connection and relationship. When things are good, it’s easy to feel self-sufficient, but that’s not real. We are meant for relationship; we belong in community. What happens to one of us affects all of us, and so, like Christ who enters intimately into our lives and loves us deeply and expansively, may we move toward each other in love and mutual compassion. There’s no need for us to be alone.
For Reflection:
When have you felt lonely? How do you cope? How is God with you in those moments?
What human connections and relationships are the most meaningful for you?
As you think about the people in your life – those close to you and those who are more peripheral – who’s in need of your care?
How is God present to you when you’re in need?
by Sister Leslie Keener, CDP
Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She enjoys music, dancing, meaningful conversations, and this present moment.