Who Are You Before God?

The Gospel story from Luke this Sunday sets up a pretty strong dichotomy. There’s the Pharisee who speaks his “prayer to himself,” his prayer that’s entirely self-promoting. He’s arrogant and full of himself. (We don’t like this guy, right?) And then we have this humble tax collector. He stands in a distance and beats his chest and prays, “O God, be merciful to me a sinner.” It’s pretty clear that we’re invited be humble like this tax collector. “The latter went home justified but not the former; whoever exalts themselves will be humbled and the ones who humble themselves will be exalted.”

The story makes it pretty clear who we’re called to be. It doesn’t mince words when it tells us that Jesus addresses this parable “to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.” Wow. Those people sound pretty terrible. And yet — is that a real thing? Are there people who really only love their own righteousness and hate everyone else? I don’t know. I mean some people have real personality disorders, like narcissism, that make them this way. I think most regular folks, though, are kind of a mix. Most people are both convinced of our own righteousness at times but also love and respect other people. I think most of us have a touch of humility and enough self-awareness to know our own limitations as well as our gifts. What do you think? Are people all Pharisee or all humble tax collector, or do most of us fall somewhere in the middle?

Personally, I can see a little bit of myself in each of these two. I can’t say I’m convinced of my own righteousness, nor do I despise people. However, I’m not sure I’m always entirely honest in my prayer. I want to be genuine before God, but I know that I might not always be transparent in my prayer. I might have a kind of swagger in my own head, or there might just be some things I’m reluctant to admit – to myself or to God. Or, what I want or need might be unclear. The reality of things could be uncertain. Sometimes bringing things to prayer is what makes them clear. I need God to help me to move from my own hooey to a more realistic viewpoint, one that’s clear and not entangled by mixed motivations and misunderstanding. As I share with God, I might begin with bravado but move toward authenticity as the Spirit works with me. Maybe there are even times when I do speak a prayer to myself instead of God, but God usually changes that. 

I hope I always keep it real with God, but that doesn’t necessarily look like a constant stance of contrition either, beating my own chest and seeing only the ways that I’ve messed up. There are times when I only see my limitations and mistakes, the things I have done and the things I have failed to do. As I think about it, that perspective is pretty limited and as unrealistic as praying out of my own righteousness. There might well be things that God is inviting me to change or ways in which God is calling me to grow, but fixating on what’s wrong with me isn’t humility. It’s failing to acknowledge God and God’s presence within me. That’s not cool either.

Somewhere in this mix is a deeper conversation with God. It acknowledges reality, that I am loved but imperfect, that I sometimes (and regularly) mess up, and God is all powerful and all loving. How that prayer is expressed can look a lot of different ways. Some people have a conversation with God, like talking to a friend or lover. Some use Scripture to express themselves in prayer. The Psalms are a great place to start with that kind of prayer. They express the whole range of human emotion, and I can always find myself in there somewhere. Also, sometimes prayer doesn’t need words. Sometimes it’s expressed in art or music or movement. At other times, it’s stillness and silence and presence. When I pray this way, I come before God and I’m neither bravado nor false humility. I’m just me, trying to be open-hearted and open-minded, and open to however God wants to be. And God just comes and settles in and we just sit in silence. Neither of us needs to talk; we just are.

In our First Reading from Sirach we’re assured that

the Lord is a God of justice who knows no favorites. . . . The ones who serve God willingly are heard; their petition reaches the heavens. The prayer of the lowly pierces the clouds; it does not rest till it reaches its goal, nor will it withdraw till the Most High responds, judges justly and affirms the right, and the Lord will not delay.

So, whether we use words or not, whether we come as our best selves or in our brokenness, God receives our prayer.

It’s clear that God hears the prayer of everyone, and in particular those of us who are broken in some way, who reach out to God in our need. But God is not looking for a false humility. God wants us as we are. No bravado, no chest beating and discarding our own worth. God receives us – all that we are, our past, our present, our brokenness and giftedness — the whole of each of us. God loves us however we show up. And God always shows up for us.

For reflection:

• On a scale from Pharisee to Tax Collector, where do you fall right now? What makes you think so? What do you need from God in this space?

• What kind of prayer works for you, or what different kinds of prayer work for you?

• Is there anything in your life that God is inviting you to reflect on right now, maybe something that you don’t want to look at or haven’t really explored? Is God inviting you to show up in a more genuine way? Let’s just take a few moments to talk with God, and listen to what God might want to say. Or, if you feel called, just sit with God in silence.

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Leslie is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.