The Infinity and Intimacy of God

This reading from the Book of Wisdom took me pretty deep into the mystery of God and the paradox of God — that God is both infinite and intimate. God holds the universe and all things in it; the magnitude of God is unimaginable. And yet, God is within each one of us and knows us personally. Each hair on our heads is counted, each minuscule piece of creation is deeply known and loved by God. God is the Creator of all, and God is knit deeply within each one of us.

How does that resonate with you? With which do you most connect — the largeness or the smallness of God – or can you hold the whole of the paradox?

I tend to spend more time contemplating the intimacy of God, but I love the invitation to look again at God’s majesty. I was thinking about my first encounter with God the Creator of the Universe, or really, the Creator’s encounter with me. I was a first year student in college and having a really terrible time. I was struggling so deeply that I wondered if there even was a God, and I certainly was not in relationship with God if there was one. I stopped going to church. I was isolated from friends. I was in a bad way. During this time, I was also taking a class in physical anthropology. We learned a lot about evolution, the various scientific theories about how creation, including humanity, came about. I was totally captivated by what I was learning. I remember reading an article about flashlight fish. I had never heard of such a thing before, and I remember being just awestruck by the creativity and genius and even the humor of that. There are lightning bugs in the air, just living their best bug lives and radiating light, and it turns out that there’s a glowing counterpart in the oceans. When I read that, I laughed out loud with joy and wonder. I had lots of moments like that. It’s kind of weird, actually. God couldn’t reach my heart — I had put up an angry, sad wall and wouldn’t let God in — and yet, in that seemingly secular class, the wonder of God got right to me. A year later, when I told that story to my newly-made evangelical friends, they cringed at the “e” word (evolution), but God can do what God can do, and God found a way in.

It’s good for me to open myself to the wonder of God the Creator, the genius behind all that is. I need to be reminded that God is big and I am small. When I forget that, I tend to get entangled in the minutiae of life, or I get overwhelmed when I feel like so much is resting on my shoulders. But God is God. God is the creator and sustainer of all things, and I’m just me. I only need to do what I need to do.

I think a lot of people connect with the vast wonder of God, maybe because we all need to be reminded that God is God and we are just human. Experiencing creation can mediate experiences with the bigness of God, the vastness of a starry sky or a brilliant sunrise, and so can holding a newborn baby or even beholding a work of art. Liturgy, when it points to the transcendence of God, can also remind us who God is — limitless and omniscient.

The largeness of God is only one part of the mystery, though. God is infinite, but God is also as close as my own heartbeat. I remember very clearly the first time I felt that stirring within me, and it also happened when I was in college, some years after my anthropology class. By then I had made some friends, and they were pretty religious. They assured me that God wanted to have a relationship with me. That was a new idea for me. I had never considered that God might want that. I went on retreat with this group of students, and one night I was alone in my room with a Bible trying to figure out how to pray. I’m not sure if you’ve ever done this, and I didn’t know there was a name for it, but I played a little Bible roulette. I opened up the Bible and pointed to a verse, and it was Matthew 7:7, “Ask and it shall be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” I felt like God was speaking directly to me. Looking back, I still think God was speaking to me, partly because of how pointedly that verse addressed my many, many questions. I felt like God was telling me that it was okay to ask questions and that God was with me. And I felt that God was with me because of what happened within me when I read that. I had chills and went very still and felt a warmth in my chest. I felt both peace and excitement. I felt God with me. I realized that I didn’t have to have any answers but that I just had to have God. And throughout the rest of the retreat I felt God close with me in my prayer. And, really, that experience jumpstarted my pursuit of relationship with God who I knew was pursuing me. Or, did that come from the awe and wonder of the flashlight fish? Or was it both?

I don’t always have such a strong reaction when I pray. More often than not it’s gentle, subtle. Sometimes I don’t feel anything. However, experience has taught me that even when I don’t feel it or have a reaction, God is there close by. If I turn my attention to God, I can usually notice signs of God‘s presence. Meditation and centering prayer help me to connect with God within and might also remind me of the infinity of the universe. That might seem ironic, but I think that’s how the divine paradox works: breath by breath and boundless universe and breath by breath.

We need to experience intimacy with God as much as we do the majesty of God. Awe and wonder can evoke a sense of God’s love, but we also need to experience God’s close, tender love. God’s presence is personal, not generic. God knows us, and God is deeply within each one of us. God delights in us. On the other hand, when prayer becomes mundane or rote, we need to be awed again by the wonder of God.

Contemplating the vastness and the intimacy of God helps me to know God more deeply. Doing so also reminds me that God is a mystery. I believe that God wants to be known just as God wants to know me, but God is a mystery that is ever and always unfolding. As it turns out, I too am a mystery that is always and ever unfolding. God walks with me as I unfold the mystery of myself too. And as I seek to understand the mystery of this wide, evolving, beautiful universe, God is with me in that unfolding too.

For reflection:

Let’s just spend a little time with God. Maybe we can just allow our prayer to unfold and see what comes. Is it the vastness of the universe, wonder and awe at creation? Is it God within each heartbeat, each breath? Or, is it all things? Let’s just spend some time with God and see what unfolds.

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Leslie is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.