Troubled Is My Heart’s Default Setting
/“Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.”
This invitation from Jesus is really hard for me. Troubled is my heart’s default setting. Receiving the peace that Christ freely offers does not come naturally to me.
And I don’t think it’s just me. I notice that a lot of people are feeling anxious these days. Living in a pandemic wears on us after a while. People continue to struggle financially, and everything is so expensive now. Wars are waging throughout the world, and there continues to be violence right here in the U.S., particularly violence toward People of Color. And then there’s all those things in life that pop up and cause anxiety and distress and worry. It’s hard not to take it all in, and as a person of faith who wants to stay open-hearted and compassionate, I don’t want to close myself to the suffering of people. And I need to deal with my own stuff too.
How do we not allow our hearts to be troubled or afraid, especially if they tend to default to that setting?
Jesus says that he gives us his peace, but it’s not the same as what the world gives. It seems to me that the peace of Christ is more than just a feeling. Receiving it is not about finding an equilibrium or a sense of calm or avoiding conflict. As I think about it, the peace of Christ is a gift, one with a certain grit to it. It’s trusting that Christ is with me, even when it doesn’t feel like it. It’s holding fast to the word of God and doggedly following the movement of the Spirit, even when I don’t know where it’s going.
That comes as a bit of a relief to me, honestly. Anxiety just comes upon me sometimes. It’s just how I’m wired. I sometimes feel bad about that, like if I’m feeling anxious instead of peaceful I’m not trusting God, and if I’m not trusting God, then maybe I’m not being a very good Sister of Providence, since our spirituality centers so much on trust. Now I wonder if anxiety is not so much a failure of trust as it is an invitation to trust God despite my fear. As it turns out, I can both feel anxiety and also trust God. I recently read somewhere (probably from Susan David and her research on emotions) that feelings aren’t facts. So if I’m feeling troubled, well, that’s a feeling not a fact. The peace that Christ extends is a reality, not just a feeling.
So, I’m someone who cannot self-generate my own peace. True peace comes from Christ. When my heart is troubled, well, that’s coming from something else. Good to know. When my heart is anxious, I can remind myself that the feeling doesn’t come from God, I can acknowledge it, and then I can work with it. The thing is, difficulties in life will always come. Jesus never said he would save us from those. In fact, what he said was that we’d always have trouble (16:33) and that we’d have to pick up our cross if we want to follow him. (Luke 9:23)
This seems like a strange contradiction, doesn’t it? Jesus promises to give us peace but also assures us that we’ll always have trouble. It’s a contradiction that speaks to our lived reality, though. Stuff happens. It’s how I respond when it happens that matters. Do I allow my heart to revert to its default settings? Or, do I pause and reflect on what’s happening and then try to work against anxiety? Can I open myself to the gritty peace of Christ that invites me to trust God despite trouble? Trouble in life doesn’t have to mean a troubled heart.
My default setting may be anxiety, but the deeper I go in the spiritual life, the more I see how God is at work in me, maybe even changing my default settings over time. God helps me to work with fear to come to the peace of Christ.
So, how do I work with a troubled heart? Well, prayer helps. It helps a lot. Sometimes it can even lead to a feeling of peace to accompany the deeper peace of Christ. Also, talking with another person helps me. Sometimes, especially when I’m feeling anxious, I can’t open myself to the peace of Christ, at least not in my prayer, not in the quiet, but I can receive it through somebody else. We are in this together, and giving each other peace is one of the many reasons why we need to do the spiritual life communally. When one of us can’t find peace, another person can. We offer the peace of Christ to each other, not just in church, but in life.
So, I’m working to not let my heart be troubled or afraid. I woke up today with some worries in my heart, but that’s alright. Even if that is my default, I don’t have to maintain that setting today. I can modify it. And God is always at work in me, rewriting the code that I can’t even decipher and changing my settings from troubled to peace.
For Reflection:
What are your default settings? Anxiety, negativity, sadness, despondency – or positivity, idealism, pessimism, optimism, realism?
What does a troubled heart feel like for you?
What helps you to not let your heart be troubled or afraid?
How do you open yourself to the peace that Christ offers you? What is Christ’s peace like for you?
by Sister Leslie Keener, CDP
Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, meaningful conversations, and dancing.